apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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