drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
