you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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