Little spoons don't ask big questions
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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