NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
