She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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