i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
