That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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