Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
