my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
