Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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