You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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