You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to make a zoo with you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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