just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wear drunk well.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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