naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
