Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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