i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
