sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
