So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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