Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
