Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
