she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
