He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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