Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
