we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
