I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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