How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
