love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
