Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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