so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
