I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
