So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
