Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
