I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
