You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
