Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
