Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
