New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
