he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Randomize
