dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
