Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
