i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
