Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
