I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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