why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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