well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
