so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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