Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
