the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
