are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
