so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
