I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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