in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
