he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
