I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
