you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
