he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
