My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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