Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
