Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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