paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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