OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
