and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
