here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
