she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
