you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
