I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
