Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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