I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
