Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
