:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
