I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
