Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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