i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
