My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My cat gives me a boner
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
