We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize