i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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