I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
