think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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