hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
