Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
