This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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