I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize