I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
