Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
