I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
