i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she peed on how many people?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
