One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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