so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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