And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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