i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
