Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize