No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
