if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
