I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
