and next time when you feel me up, do it right
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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