Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize