I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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